Crabs in a Barrel: Friends or Foes? 

I decided to touch on a topic this month that is very close to home. We've all experienced so-called friends that you later find out aren't really looking out for your best interest. With the days of Myspace, people use it as tools to hate and stalk among other things trying to invade your serenity. The term Hating has been used so much lately that I believe people forget the actual meaning of it. I decided to take it back to the old school term and explain how to overcome it. Since becoming an author I've noticed this more dominantly than I have any other time in my adult life. So why is that people hate to see you successful? I definitely believe in the crabs in a barrel effect and I'm going to explain my situation with hopes that someone else will see the warning signs and back away the instant they see the things that I slept on.

He Said She Said: Vol. 3

      Becoming successful at any thing is when people will show their true colors, especially when you are threatening their position. Writing was something that I enjoyed as a teenager but was never something that I believed was going to turn into a career. It wasn't until I received my acceptance letter from my publisher that I truly believed that I could write things that people were interested. Once signed, I met a lot of people in the publishing industry including other authors, publicists, agents and editors. I was amazed like a kid in a candy store and took every opportunity to pull information from them. With that information I decided to work at mastering my craft and do bigger things with both the knowledge and finances I received from my publishing deal. After the release of my first novel the sales were very high and with book number two I saw things about some of my peers that I never thought I'd see.

      Why is it that people would rather pull you down than watch you succeed? I believe that they become envious or nervous about their own spot. This is extremely aggravating but I've found that there are ways to defeat these "crabs" and use their negative energy to boost your confidence and in turn help you move forward. First, you definitely can't get too tied up in their nonsense. They can use all of the subliminal Myspace statuses, blogs and whatever else they can think of but it only fuels their fire. It'll only piss them off to see that you are ignoring them. Secondly, focus on your goals and welcome the competition and stay on top of your game.  Third, don't let your haters know your next move. Plan things accordingly and drop surprises like bombs to knock ‘em dead. Next, Brag about your success. Make sure they know how well you are doing despite their attempts to slow you down. And last but not least, embrace you accomplishments. You've worked too hard to get to your goal so at this point its time to enjoy it. My point is, never let anyone hold you back.

      So with all of that being said I'll get back to my situation. I never understood to this day what happened that they believed that I was the enemy. I have always been a person who was well liked by pretty much everyone I've come into contact with. So, to dislike me means that you have your own set of issues. So what was my choice? I didn't even bother to ask what the issue was. I truly believe that if these individuals were truly my friends that they would have went about things differently and for that reason I felt like I didn't even care enough to inquire about it. Is this how things should be handled? I don't think so but I felt like I didn't have any other option.

      Since this topic isn't really a debatable topic I wanted to pose a question: Do men experience this as often as women do? Is it the way women are raised or is it something that they are taught?

      I honestly think this behavior can make the most beautiful person extremely ugly. It isn't a good look to hate on someone that doesn't even know what the hate is from. For that matter it doesn't make since to hate at all, people need to be more concerned about their own lives rather than focusing on the next person. I've learned a lot from these "Crabs" I love my haters and you should too.

      This article isn't to preach to any choir, it is simply my opinion. The meaning of the title He Said, She Said is to show a woman's opinion vs. a man's opinion on many of today's issues. Feel free to comment or email me you opinions, suggestions or questions. I enjoyed writing this and I hope my readers enjoy reading it. Next time I'll be back with another issue that I'm sure everyone can relate to.  

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Comments (3)

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HI! I want to press send to make sure this will go through before I write a book!
Nikki

Darling Nikkkiii , June 13, 2008

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Okay! Now down to the nitty gritty! Yes, I feel the same way and have wanted to write a blog about so called friends that don't mean you well. But at the moment the person I would want to read it, won't see it, I'll have to find a way for this to get sent to their inbox.
I too have had friends that have had my momma and my man asking me where do I get friends like this?!
I went to an all girls high school and that is where I really learned what being two faced and backstabbing were all about. My good friend slept with almost every dude I dealt with back then behind my back , then turned around and cried to me about it and expected me to comfort her!

My other really close friend, whom I would call my sister, my best friend, has given me nothing but headaches over the year anytime she is dealing with a man. Sometimes it's beause they have wanted to deal with me, where I'm seriously not throwing any game back at them, or
I get strife over trying to play CAPTAIN SAVE A HO
I have been threatened called all types of B@#THCES, etc.. because I have tried to protect my so called friends from men that were abusive in every shape or form.
However, she always finds a way to get mad at me, and never comes through when I have needed her , but I always come through for her.

I know our main problem is she introduced me to my man , 15 years and counting, and she really was feeling him first. However the day he met me, we decided we were gonna be together, and I have kids by him, lived with him for years and years and basically have what she wants, a family, a man that doesn't beat the SH@#$ out of her and someone to love her and not use her.

I allowed her crazy man in my home to visit and helped her relocate and find a job and a crib in two weeks, she turns around and lets the no good triflin ass so and so talk about my daughter who has special needs. If that was me I would have been bashing him in the head with a brick if he talked about my so called niece ! She did nothing. Well long story short, she was pregnant at the time and now her baby died before it was born. I feel sorry for her, but don't people know you don't talk about children when you are having one yourself?
Now that she's having problems with her man, oh by the way he's having a baby on her head with another chick after her baby just died two months ago, she calls me crying about how sorry she is and wants me to forgive her, but that's only cuz he was threatening to leave her!
Soon as he came back she stopped calling again.

I'm tired of forgiving her and I am ready to give her up after being friends for 19 years. I'm just plain ole tired!

Darling Nikkkiii , June 13, 2008

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Funny thing about hating , is that when you are a true hater you never can grow! All my life I was always first to show congrats, and for that more doors have open for me, more people have me in their best interest. Hating is the cousin to being jealous, and men being jealous of another man is rare , the way I was brought up, that was more of a female trait... Moreover haters will be here til the end of time, so don't pay them mind, Continue your pursuit to happiness! When I see a hater all I do is this " "

Ameer , June 13, 2008

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