Song: You abandoned me love don’t live here anymore…….

Just a vacancy, love don’t live here anymore……..

My blues don’t require a sing along

It’s been battered since I was 7 and on.

First by the babysitters’ teenage fetus,

She cared more about the extra financing

then her off spring playing house in my adolescent territory.

While my innocence was taken

conviction settled in place.

For adult years would be full of sexual questioning

Song: Just a vacancy

Of lost teachings,

her kisses last to long momma

those hugs were to tight grasping of my panty lines momma.

She wanted me to stay because she wanted to play in my adolescent territory momma.

I don’t enjoy being here, this isn’t fun for me.

Lies to save face of broken mirror images of ancestors,

I was too young to hear grown conversation entering my psyche

of grandmothers touches from great grandfathers hands

learning to keep silent.

Grandmamma was strong

So my blues needed no sing along,

Cause her experience made her tough

yet her brokenness came from exposure of truth.

So silence will be my closer,

fear will be my life,

anger will be my character,

and silent whore will be my demeanor.

You thought I was a good girl huh?

Well I’ve tricked many to believe those same things,

but she escaped from the first dirty kiss she placed to my virgin clitoris,

I bathe with tears of lonesome in a crowded room of lost developed children.

Sister played sleep so her turn never came,

but I preferred it be me that way

Younger protecting older from sexual beatings.

Cause I could escape through literature readings,

losing myself in images of fictional lives,

cause this real world keeps telling me lies.

That God is my end all be all things

while momma provides cause daddy’s jailed,

now daughters experiencing hell, broken hearted,

gathered with discouraging judgment.

Naw my blues need no sing along.

Second was from the 16 year old telling me at 12 he loved me

While he played rock paper scissors with my vagina walls

I thought that was love, cause no man had ever touched me,

no man ever touched me,

and still without penetration no man ever touched my insides,

while he mastered the art of pleasing himself

and watching it flow on to my frame excited him

while the smell sickened me,

and tears flowed in his attempt to pleasure my frontal lobe

reminded me of her.

Musk, frightened, help, silence…….

And since no one came to my resistance

I beat those who came to my defense,

And cater to those who treated me like shit.

Now here you come third,

Promising me a life of freedom through your love,

But I saw your brokenness before you said hello.

So I manipulate you, until you have no choice but to go.

Like the rest, your pleasure add to my pain

So naw that’s ok, cause my blues need no sing along.

Song: Just a vacancy, love don’t live here anymore……..

He looked at me in amazement as though it was his first time seeing me,

and in my response I say,

Hello my name is peace, rest your feet.

My hands require the presence of your stress,

let me wipe the pavement of defeat,

stroke your foolish mishaps of rocky era,

fondle your blazing calves

and, allow my talent to compliment your lack of confidence .

Love, you are everything I need perfectly imperfect,

streaming through my main stream.

Your existence sustaining my addiction of expressions.

I repeat, rest your feet, I am love,

kneeling placing oil at your feet for guidance I pray,

satisfying your remains with cuisine that won’t make you stray.

Provide an open ear for private conversation, listing silently,

comforting your hurt of the worlds lies,

standing by your side come what may,

I am faithfully yours.

Hello I am we.

You remind me I’m a woman,

Simply by the rise of my breast when you enter a room.

The warmth of my frame when you penetrate my psyche.

The numbing of lower lips responding to your aroma,

Deep uttered breaths warming the breeze,

The sway of your locks hypnotizing my good sense to reframe from laying in your peace.

Touches make me believe I’m the one and only.

Temporarily accepting deceit.

I taste your dialect eagerly, attempting to become a part of your DNA.

Your character lay in the folds of your lips, brightening my make up.

Gazing upon you, I’m reminded I am a woman.

These walls know my secrets,

My every come and go,

Late night ventures

Solo pleasures singing a duet of make believe

Of past blemish resurfacing

These walls know my secret of

Faceless names hummed in pleasure filled nights,

Peaceful sleep,

And smiling dreams of ecstasy.

God forbid they tell,

how your name

Escaped my lips and rained pleasure in my sheets,

Bashfully surprised yet pleased of the extent of my fantasy.

Cream down poured so well

Clouds beyond my window open to play

While the gentleness of my finger played the roll of your frame,

And memories of direct order stepped in to place.

Silent whore I am and will be

Pleasing you in secret

Have me like never before.

Back arched in twisted desire

As your scent escapes my lip folds

Gracefully desiring your taste repeatedly

I swallow your void comings

And breathe you.

These walls know my secrets.

It’s crazy how we used to be joined at the hip,

Knowing each other’s every move, sometimes every thought.

Now were lost in a superficial existence, unworthy of each other’s gaze,

The break up of our bond had nothing to do with the other.

Use to always hear, something’s aren’t meant for everyone to know,

but God and yourself, never knew what that meant until an experience hit me,

wish I didn’t tell anyone; God really had a plan.

But I couldn’t keep silent from fear and no faith in my heavenly father

and in the process lost my best friend, it wasn’t worth it but like say shit happens.

It’s horrible to think of it like that, but that’s the way you wanted it.

Tried to fight it, getting tired of everyone leaving me like I never existed,

but you chose to end it, use to think you were the friend that wasn’t going anywhere,

but just as quickly as you came you vanished like unworthy men who impregnate women

claiming I’m not that babes father.

It’s like our bond never happened.

We’re each other’s shadows lurking around like we’re not even there.

We think people don’t notice but it’s the most obvious,

people watch and wonder our next move, trying to figure out what the hell it’s all about?

They have no clue that we’re such fools walking around like everything’s

smooth when we know we are no where close to being cool.

with your pride and stubbornness you push me away,

and I use my tears to vanish your image away.

Tried to forget our friendship, given up haven’t been the easiest, but you’ve

made it clear that you don’t want me anywhere near you.

So I’m cool, you fake it and act like you never knew me,

While you hide yourself in your children’s lives, and making yourself available

to activities you’re not interested in.

I’ll fill up my week so that I wont think about you.

We’ll continue to be each other’s shade at every church escapade

Sharing fake smile, and fake hugs.

We’ll shrug each other off, like we don’t care about one another

and the world will hear sounds of our friendship,

Lost and never to be found.