Double Standards: Multiple Sex Partners
When speaking of double standards most
people would agree that they do exist. From occupation to ethical norms
women are supposed to be both submissive and feminine. Believe it or
not there are a lot of people in our society that agree with these ridiculous
standards, which leads me to an issue that has always been looked at
in a way that I totally disagree with. When speaking of having multiple
sex partners men are looked up to by their peers whereas women are called
every degrading term in the dictionary. Why is this? How is it okay
for one group but not another?
I
always attribute it to mis-education or ignorance. Most of the opinions
that we have as individuals are instilled in us from birth. Whether
it's something that has been passed down from generations or something
that we've seen on television, we definitely weren't born with it.
Realistically, I don't believe you can honestly agree with this had
it not been hammered into your brain over time.
I
don't believe that it is fair to wrap others up who may potentially
grow feelings for you in a web of deceit, however if you are an adult
you are free to do as you please. If having multiple sex partners is
the issue then I would say that neither men nor women are wrong for
living their own lives. But if the word whore is used to describe a
woman that has multiple sex partners then it should be used to describe
men as well. Some men would say that it doesn't bother them to be
called a whore however I doubt if that is a title any woman would gladly
carry on her back.
Now
a days, who has had one sex partner each time they've been involved
with someone? There are some diamonds in the rough but if there were
more people that abided by this rule the spread of STD's wouldn't
be as rampant now would it? Working on a maternity ward for years I've
seen more teenagers with diseases than I can stomach. Again, this all
leads back to mis-education. Yes, some teenagers and even some adults
could care less about it, but if people were more educated maybe there
would be less of an epidemic.
To
reveal a little about me, yes I've been in certain situations where
I've dated more than one person at a time and for one reason or another
things happened that way but I can honestly say that not one of those
situations resulted in happiness. Yes at the time I was having fun but
at some point you have to grow up and realize that reckless behavior
has its consequences.
What
about the term "Friends with Benefits"? I have always called this
term an excuse for messing around. What are the benefits of sleeping
with people without affection? I've never known of any. Most times
it's someone that you rarely talk to, have sex with from time to time
and never hold any real value to them. If that's a benefit, then what
is the downside? From my past experiences, when I've dated more than
one person they are really irrelevant in my life. They aren't the
ones that will get my all nor are they the ones that can break my heart.
They are just there when I'm bored or in need of some satisfaction.
So what does that make me? I guess some would use the terms slut, loose,
or whatever else they can think of but I don't think that any one
who knows me could agree with that. I am single, very educated, I am
an established author, I have a full time job, and I am a mother and
a person who's loved by many. Do you think all of those things have
anything to do with my sexual activities? They do and the reason
why is this: Sometimes when a woman has all of those traits it's still
hard to find that one person. Not to say that the things that I've
accomplished makes me better than anyone but some people can't deal
with it. I've had men tell me, if a man doesn't have all that you
do then you probably won't want them. This may be true in some instances
but is that the really why I'm single? I really believe that with
all of the partying, internet dating and things of that sort people
are put in more situations where they are tempted. I haven't found
a man that is even in the state of mind to be monogamous. They don't
even care if you are either, you can tell them you have a man, are engaged
or even married and they say so what. What does that say about today's
society. That people really aren't looking for love, they are simply
trying to have fun. With all of that said, I've conditioned myself
to that fact and instead of getting my feeling wrapped up to get hurt
I go into any friendship knowing that it may never be more than that.
Being
single is not how I want to be for the remainder of my life but it's
just the way that I feel I have to be right now. If the mindset of men
today changes in the near future then I would change my views. Otherwise,
I have no choice. So lastly, I ask this question again? Are there still
in 2008, double standards when it comes to men and women being promiscuous?
Your only answer can be yes. Is it fair? Definitely not, since we are
all adults and mentally capable of knowing right from wrong, which means
all of us are guilty and should be held accountable.
This
article isn't to preach to any choir, it is simply my opinion. The
meaning of the title He Said, She Said is to show a woman's opinion
vs. a man's opinion on many of today's issues. Feel free to comment
or email me you opinions, suggestions or questions. I enjoyed writing
this and I hope my readers enjoy reading it. Next time I'll be back
with another issue that I'm sure everyone can relate to.
Brittani Williams is the
best-selling author of Daddy's Little Girl, Sugar Walls and the upcoming
novels The Cathouse and Black Diamond. She is also the co-host of a
blog talk radio show titled He Said, She Said every Thursday night.
Visit her website at www.Brittani-Williams.com or www.myspace.com/msbgw
for more information or you can also email her at
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