Song: You abandoned me love don’t live here anymore…….

Just a vacancy, love don’t live here anymore……..

My blues don’t require a sing along

It’s been battered since I was 7 and on.

First by the babysitters’ teenage fetus,

She cared more about the extra financing

then her off spring playing house in my adolescent territory.

While my innocence was taken

conviction settled in place.

For adult years would be full of sexual questioning

Song: Just a vacancy

Of lost teachings,

her kisses last to long momma

those hugs were to tight grasping of my panty lines momma.

She wanted me to stay because she wanted to play in my adolescent territory momma.

I don’t enjoy being here, this isn’t fun for me.

Lies to save face of broken mirror images of ancestors,

I was too young to hear grown conversation entering my psyche

of grandmothers touches from great grandfathers hands

learning to keep silent.

Grandmamma was strong

So my blues needed no sing along,

Cause her experience made her tough

yet her brokenness came from exposure of truth.

So silence will be my closer,

fear will be my life,

anger will be my character,

and silent whore will be my demeanor.

You thought I was a good girl huh?

Well I’ve tricked many to believe those same things,

but she escaped from the first dirty kiss she placed to my virgin clitoris,

I bathe with tears of lonesome in a crowded room of lost developed children.

Sister played sleep so her turn never came,

but I preferred it be me that way

Younger protecting older from sexual beatings.

Cause I could escape through literature readings,

losing myself in images of fictional lives,

cause this real world keeps telling me lies.

That God is my end all be all things

while momma provides cause daddy’s jailed,

now daughters experiencing hell, broken hearted,

gathered with discouraging judgment.

Naw my blues need no sing along.

Second was from the 16 year old telling me at 12 he loved me

While he played rock paper scissors with my vagina walls

I thought that was love, cause no man had ever touched me,

no man ever touched me,

and still without penetration no man ever touched my insides,

while he mastered the art of pleasing himself

and watching it flow on to my frame excited him

while the smell sickened me,

and tears flowed in his attempt to pleasure my frontal lobe

reminded me of her.

Musk, frightened, help, silence…….

And since no one came to my resistance

I beat those who came to my defense,

And cater to those who treated me like shit.

Now here you come third,

Promising me a life of freedom through your love,

But I saw your brokenness before you said hello.

So I manipulate you, until you have no choice but to go.

Like the rest, your pleasure add to my pain

So naw that’s ok, cause my blues need no sing along.

Song: Just a vacancy, love don’t live here anymore……..

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